The Bitter Law Student

Breaking Up is Hard to Do...

2007-03-12T12:47:00.000-07:00

We've been together over a year and a half, over two hundred and fifty posts... and I think it's time for a change. It's not you, it's me. I need some space, and I haven't been able to devote the time to you that you need. I haven't been the best partner, and for that, I'm sorry. If possible, I'd still like to be friends. You were there for me whenever I needed to vent, and for that I'll always be grateful. But for now, I think I've outgrown our time together.

Yep, readers, some two hundred and fifty posts later... it's time to call it quits. It's been fun, I've learned a lot about myself and about life in general. But it's time to move on.

Thanks for all the memories,

The BLS

OFFICIAL: Hell? It's Frozen Over

2007-02-22T08:03:00.000-08:00

Breaking news from TMZ:

K-Fed and Brit's Mom Team Up to Take Kids:

Speaking of the kids, who's taking care of them while their mom rehab-hops and checks into the Hotel Bel-Air? It's none other than Kevin Federline and Britney's mom, Us reports. K-Fed made a call to his own mom, Julie Bleak, on Valentine's Day to ask for help with the kids, and then Lynne Spears, Brit's mom, pitched in to provide round-the-clock care of Sean and Jayden. Bleak, for her part, flew to L.A. on the same day that Spears made her one-day jaunt to Antigua to go to Crossroads Centre. K-Fed is due in court today for an emergency hearing on child custody – who would've believed that he'd end up being the responsible parent?

I haven't addressed it on the blog for while, but WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH BRITNEY SPEARS? I think she's completely lost her damn mind. I'm no expert on Family Law, but if testimony about Britney's partying and rehab-hopping come into the courtroom, I have a feeling she may get schooled in the hearing. I would not be surprised to see K-Fed come out as the custodial parent. Yowza. I NEVER thought I would say this, but suck up your pain and get your head outta your ass, Britney. Your kids come first.

...and yes, I'm turning on you... AGAIN.

(UPDATE: 9:00AM PST-- Wait... she's BACK IN REHAB AGAIN. Check TMZ for more info.)

Fun with Eavesdroppers...

2007-02-21T20:23:00.000-08:00

Anyone else ever experienced this? You are out with a friend, shopping and enjoying conversation, when you notice that someone behind you is totally listening to everything that you and your companion are saying? In cases like that, I like to screw with the eavesdroppers. Case in point:

(Scene: The BLS and Mother of BLS are shopping for a birthday present for Older Brother. He had mentioned wanting a portable tool chest with wheels from Lowe's. BLS and Mother of BLS have found one and are happily chatting about the week's events when the BLS notices a middle-aged Martha Huber sort of woman (BONUS points to those of you who get that reference, by the way) hanging on to their every word.)

The BLS: Oh, yeah, you can TOTALLY fit a body in here! (pause) But to be safe, let's look at the hacksaws, too.

I thought my mother was going to lose it. But it was so freaking worth it!

The Unlikely BAMF

2007-02-07T22:12:00.000-08:00

I've never really considered myself a big fan of stand-up comedy. I've had several friends who were really into the stand-up scene (and I'm afraid to admit how many hours of Eddie Izzard certain friends made me watch-- you know who you are.) For a while, I thought the only stand-up comedian that I'd ever really laugh at was Chris Rock, as I do own several of his stand-up routines because I genuinely think they are funny.

I've heard the hype surrounding this guy for quite a while, but I refused to buy into it based upon stubborn principle (kinda like how I boycotted the Dave Matthews Band during my first three years of college because everyone kept telling me how "awesome" they were.) However, I recently made the mistake of TiVo'ing one of his HBO specials. And a new fanatic was born.

Dane Cook, you are by far one of the crudest comics I have EVER heard. Your jokes are profane, slapstick-ish, aimed for the masses, and incredibly juvenile. You butcher the English language, make up completely new words for what you're trying to communicate (what the hell is a Chicken Sangwich?) and make up asinine acronyms as part of your routine.

But you make me laugh my ass off, and for that, I think I'm in love with you.

Observation

2007-02-06T23:54:00.000-08:00

Why is it that I cry like a little girl everytime I watch Joey tell Rachel that he's in love with her on Friends? Is it because I know he's going to get shot down? Is it because I've totally walked in Joey's shoes before (that is, telling someone you're in love with them when you know you're gonna get shot down)? Or is it because I'm impressed with Joey's character development over 8 seasons of Friends?

Nah. I think it's just because I'm a girl. In any case, I'm weepy, dammit.

Deadpan as an Art Form

2007-02-01T09:51:00.000-08:00

(After spending a good amount of time the night before talking about how Bauer is completely wrong for The BLS...)

The BLS: Hey, Kitrah. Would you be mad at me if I ended up taking Bauer back?
Kitrah: Yes.
The BLS: Oh. Because I talked to him yesterday after class and we ended up hooking back up.
Kitrah: (alarmed) WHAT? You got back together with him?!?
The BLS: (laughing) No, but you should see your face right now.

Sometimes it's fun to screw with your friends, you know what I mean?

Open Announcement to the Academy...

2007-01-31T00:30:00.000-08:00

(taps microphone) Ladies and Gentleman of the Academy,

STOP SCREWING OVER MATT DAMON!!!

Thank you for your time (and apparently you did NOT see The Good Shepherd this year),

The BLS

The Wild Card

2007-01-29T13:47:00.000-08:00

I was left with two options: I could stay at home and study Water Law, or I could go out with some friends and play Texas Hold-Em at a local watering hole.

What do you think I did?

OF COURSE I chose to play Texas Hold-Em. It was a great choice, too!

But not initially. I am a newish poker player. My experience at Texas Hold-Em has been limited to watching Celebrity Poker Showdown on Bravo and playing Hold-Em on my computer. It was the first time I had sat down with ACTUAL opponents.

I was full of tells. I couldn't stop giggling or laughing. I kept fidgeting. I kept looking at my cards. The other players were reading me like a book, nicknaming me "The Broke Lawyer," due to my inability to keep a good poker face going on. I was losing my money faster than I ever thought possible.

However, I did have one thing working for me at the poker table: I was a wild card. No one knew exactly what was up my sleeve. I had established myself as a bluffer pretty early in the game (Not by choice-- I actually thought I had a shot at the cards when my "shot" was about as good as the odds on a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.)

I was down to very few chips at this point in the game. I was the short stack at the table. And then a miracle happened: I was dealt a pair of fives. (I know-- nothing to scream over, but I'm not done with the story yet...) The flop came: Another five went down. I pushed in half of my chips at this point. Being established as a bluffer, everyone called me. The turn went down: A five. At this point, all my chips went in. Again, as I had previously lost a good chunk of money (at least for me) everyone called my bluff. One of the players at the table commented to me (rather cockily, I thought) "Lawyer, there is no way in hell that you have a pair of fives."

Everyone turned over their cards: I had the pair of fives. The river didn't matter, as the other cards were so sporatic that no one had a chance for a straight flush. Obviously, I took down the pot and left about $50 richer.

Could I have made $50 studying Water Law? Yeah, I didn't think so, either.

Breaking News

2007-01-29T13:03:00.000-08:00

Apparently, Niki Taylor is suing E! because she felt that they have committed an act of Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress against her.

I haven't seen the television show that she claims committed such a horrible act against her, but I'm curious to see how exactly she plans to prove her case. She's claiming IIED, fraud, slander, and invasion of privacy... but from what I see, the television program chronicles her past struggles (I'm assuming they hit on the tragic death of her sister and her near-fatal car crash) and I don't think you need a celebrity's permission to report on FACTS.

I'll be keeping my eye on this to see how it turns out...

Dream Interpretation Needed!

2007-01-25T22:27:00.000-08:00

Open question:

After you've broken up with someone, is having a racy dream involving Dale Earnhardt, Jr. a sign that you're on the way to getting over them?

Because if THAT'S the case.... I'm well on my way. I don't think I can remember the last time I was so pissed when my alarm clock went off in the morning.

Open Letter

2007-01-24T07:11:00.000-08:00

To the butt-munch in the Dodge Ram with oversized wheels:

Do you want to know WHY I gave you the finger this morning? It's because you were driving with your lights on bright. At the time in the morning in which you were driving, there was no reason for you to have your lights set THAT high. Combined with the fact that you have oversized wheels on your vehicle, the result was that you had your lights on bright and they were shining DIRECTLY. INTO. MY. EYES. In essence, you were blinding me.

I realize that I could have been more ladylike about the whole thing, but it was 7:10 in the morning and I hadn't enjoyed my morning Frappucino yet. I was amused at your response to my middle finger, however. I always enjoy it when people hang out the driver's side window and shout, "Whhaaattt!?!?"

In any case, to avoid a repeat offense, please be considerate of other drivers on the road and LEAVE YOUR LIGHTS ON DIM WHEN YOU ARE IN TRAFFIC. Butt-munch.

Sincerely,

The BLS (aka The Pissed-Off Brunette in the Compact Car)

Epiphany

2007-01-23T10:35:00.000-08:00

The BLS (talking about her troubles with the Bauer breakup when she suddenly realizes...): Oh, my God! Bauer is my K-Fed!

The BLS on Billable Hours...

2007-01-22T16:37:00.000-08:00

Law Professor: As part of a practical exercise, I want you to track the hours that you spend on schoolwork in billable hours form.
Student #1: Do you want us to include hours that we spend at work?
Law Professor: Yes, anything legally related, whether it is work or school.
The BLS (muttering to Kitrah): Would watching reruns of Law and Order count as billable hours?

Extended Hiatus

2007-01-20T21:33:00.000-08:00

To the three readers that I most likely have left after my hiatus:
I apologize for my long absence from the blog-o-sphere. For lack of better terms, a lot of shit has went down in my life. The fun recaps:

1. Crashed My Car-- Thank gawd for full coverage insurance. I should have the car back by the middle of February. (The accident happened on December 27th-- it's been an amazingly slow turn-around.)

2. Personal Health Issues-- My health has been all out of whack since the beginning of December. Hopefully, I should be back to normal (well, MY normal) soon.

3. The BLS and Bauer= No More-- After about 2 years, The BLS is back on the market. It's a rough transition. I'll get used to it. Date requests can be sent here.

As I've recapped to others, it's been the shittiest two months EVER. I'm SO freakin' ready to put all this behind me. Let the new semester kick some freakin' ass, because I could really use it right now.

Open Letter #12

2006-12-19T15:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Tom Brady,

I just read on the IMDB that you and your girlfriend of three years have split. I know my timing is not the best, but let's face it: You're a stone cold fox. If you're ever in my neck of the woods, we should get together for coffee or something. I promise my boyfriend Bauer won't mind. He's a Patriots fan, too.

Sincerely,

The BLS

P.S. Loved your stint on Family Guy. Number 12 rules.

Whew!

2006-12-08T13:56:00.000-08:00

I just got my score from the November MPRE. Although I left the test thinking that I failed, I am apparently ethical to practice in any jurisdiction I want.

That bribe to the MPRE folks really paid off...

Rambling and Stuff

2006-12-04T03:43:00.000-08:00

I'm in the process of writing final drafts for several papers that I have due this upcoming week. Do you think it would go over well if I handed in my Entertainment Law paper, with nothing but 30 pages of "All Work and No Play Makes The BLS a Dull Girl" written on it?

Yeah, I didn't think I'd pass, either. But it would make for a hell of a joke.

Hmmm....

(**NOTE**: For those of you that have been living under a rock and feel that you can get pissy with me for revealing a key part of The Shining, you need to get a life and freakin' grow up already! The movie is 26 years old. The mortatorium on not revealing spoilers has passed, and it's 4:00 in the morning and I haven't been to bed yet today. So just zip it.)

Overheard at The BLS's Thanksgiving...

2006-11-27T21:30:00.000-08:00

The BLS: Man, I am SO tired.
Mother of BLS: You think YOU'RE tired? I just spent the better chunk of this morning boning this ham. And then I followed that up by boning the turkey.
The BLS: ...Did you just say you boned the ham?
Mother of BLS: AND the turkey. (pause) I've had quite a morning.

Family Friend: Husband, I need you to go get the pot NOW.
The BLS: (pause) I think I've been living in College Town too long. You meant "pot" as in "kettle," right?
Family Friend: Oh, we get high.

Bauer: Well, I'm off.
The BLS: And where are you going?
Bauer: I'm off to see the drunken midget and donkey show.
The BLS: AGAIN? You promised me I could go next time!
Mother of BLS: ...I don't understand you crazy kids. What's a donkey show?
Bauer and The BLS: Bye, Mother of BLS! (exit)

...and how was YOUR Thanksgiving?

Happy (Early) Thanksgiving!

2006-11-21T16:16:00.000-08:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

The Pug and I are heading home for Thanksgiving tomorrow. It should be a nice, relaxing few days off... packed with about five assignments that are all due the week I get back. Here's hoping the rest of you have a great Thanksgiving-- I'll be buried in my freaking Entertainment Law text.... *sigh*

Things That Make You Go "What the F**k?"

2006-11-21T12:11:00.000-08:00

Google News tells me that O.J. Simpson is going to be doing a two-night special for Fox. This special addresses the Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman murders and is entitled "If I Did It, Here's How."

Okay, seriously. This has got to be one of the tackiest things I have ever seen. For someone who vehemently denied killing his ex-wife to demonstrate on national T.V. how he COULD have done it... it turns my stomach.

My only hope is that the Son of Sam clause would kick in here and make Simpson give his profits over to the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown. However, the Son of Sam clause only applies when someone has been convicted of a crime and then tries to make money off of it by selling their story for profit. O.J. was acquitted of the murders, but later found to be civilly liable, so I'm not sure if the Son of Sam clause would even apply in this case. (Given my own personal opinions of how justice was handled during O.J.'s criminal trial, I would guess that this clause wouldn't apply, but I'm still bitter over the verdict. Yes, I'm still angry about it some 10 years later. What can I say? I hold a grudge.)

In any case, O.J. was tacky back during the original media coverage of his trial, and he's still tacky now. I think he will be replacing K-Fed, at least in my mind, for the title of "Ultimate Media Whore."

**UPDATE: I just found out that one of the nights the special is going to air is a Monday (November 27th.) What do you want to bet that the Fox network gave this pile of crap Justice's timeslot? I want to slash someone's tires...***

***UPDATE 11/21: So Fox is pulling the O.J. television special and the book's publishers are cancelling the release of the book? Wow. Maybe people are smarter than I give them credit for, although I firmly believe that the person who had the initial idea for the book and show should be taken out back and beat with a smelly shoe.***

Lamentation

2006-11-15T08:54:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure who I pissed off in a past life, but I would love a chance to make everything right again. In the last five days, I have:

Had my car broken into and vandalized;
Had my wallet stolen (with everything in it-- credit cards, checks, etc.);
Chipped a tooth to the extent that the filling is exposed;
Mixed up a deadline and had to ask for an extension;
Discovered that Fox has placed Justice on hiatus until December 11th, which can only spell early cancellation; and
Had numerous fights with Bauer in re: something stupid.

Anyone know of any karma-cleansing rituals I can do here? I don't think I can handle any more bad luck...

Hallelujah!

2006-11-07T14:48:00.000-08:00

Britney Spears has seen the light. She's decided to lose that 180 pounds I've kept nagging her about-- her husband K.Fed.

You know, I previously said that I was giving up on Britney. I'm officially retracting that statement. This is the first step to making a triumphant comeback.

Check out the full story here.

Another One Bites The Dust

2006-11-01T09:33:00.000-08:00

My favorite celebrity couple since Brad and Jen have separated. I'm so bummed. Reese and Ryan were so private about their relationship that I really thought they had a chance of making it work. He seemed like a devoted husband who was genuinely proud of his wife's successes. (Remember the fierce slap on the back Reese got from Ryan when she won her Golden Globe for Walk the Line?)

Although, given the rumors that Ryan was the one with the wandering eye, I'm beginning to wonder if he got jealous of all the success Reese Witherspoon has been seeing lately. If my memory serves me correctly, HE was the bigger star when they initially hooked up. (They got together on the set of Cruel Intentions... Ryan had just come off of the success of I Know What You Did Last Summer. To my knowledge, Reese was a girl who had made a few movies, but nothing BIG until Legally Blonde.)

Speculations aside, it's still a shame. I would love to see these two make it work.

2006-10-31T09:37:00.000-08:00

From the BLS and Pug Vader...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Guilty Pleasures

2006-10-31T08:25:00.000-08:00

I don't care what anyone says about it... Fox's Justice is still my favorite guilty pleasure on TV right now (Although Desperate Housewives is gettin' good! I'm loving the whole new spin on the Susan-Mike-Edie triangle... and don't get me started on how AWESOME it was that Lynette was totally going to kick Nora's ass for coming on to her husband...I think I've decided that while Bree is my favorite, Lynette is the most real character.)

Yeah, the crimes are preposterous and the situations aren't that realistic and they've botched the Rules of Evidence on more than one occasion (I am impressed that they haven't screwed up an objection yet, although said objections are a little more dramatic than they would be in a real courtroom)... but I can't get past the fact that Kerr Smith looks damn fine in a suit. I wouldn't mind meeting up with him in the courtroom.... mee-yow!

Just another blatent male objectification, courtesy of The BLS.

Drunken Potty Humor

2006-10-27T13:33:00.000-07:00

I was stressed out last night. So I did something I don't normally do when I'm stressed. I got drunk. Fall-flat-on-your-face, can't-make-the-remote-control-work drunk. Anyway, during my drunken stupor, Bauer told me about a game that he and his co-workers play in order to make the work day more interesting:

The rule is this: When you're driving on the road, you look at the model of the car that is in front of you, and you insert the word "anal" in front of it, and you end up with a mix of the following:

Anal Probe
Anal Vibe
Anal Expedition
Anal Wrangler
Anal Focus

It doesn't seem so funny now that I've sobered up, but I was laughing uncontrollably over it last night. I guess it just goes to show you what a mix of booze and stress will do to a law student's sense of humor.

Karma's Bitch Slap

2006-10-26T10:22:00.000-07:00

In life, especially in LEGAL life, I have learned two rules:

Treat your legal support staff like gold and you can never go wrong.
If possible, treat your Tech Support staff even better.

Here's the situation: I was feeling pretty smug about my Carrie Bradshaw-slamming in my last post. I was impressed to see that the majority of you felt the same way I do about her. It's no secret that I can't stand Carrie. I just never dreamed that I would have a Carrie Bradshaw moment taken directly from Sex and the City.

Karma totally bitch-slapped me. That's all I can say. I was on my sassy horse, and I left myself completely wide open. A few days after the Carrie-slamming post, I turned on my computer to take notes during class... and my computer froze. To quote a little bit of Aidan Shaw, "I tried a few home remedies," but nothing happened. My computer wouldn't reboot. It wouldn't really do anything. I took it to the Tech Support crew at my law school... where they took it apart and informed me that my mother board was shot and that my hard drive had completely given out. But, the tech guys said, it wasn't that big of a deal because I had backed up my files... right?

Wrong. I had not backed up my files since my first semester of law school. It was always one of those things I had planned on doing, but never found the time to take the 15 seconds to back up my files. (Can you tell I'm a bit annoyed with myself here?) Faced with the possibility that I had lost all of my notes and outlines from the beginning of law school, I began to panic. The Tech Support guys took a bit of pity on the hyperventilating brunette in front of them and told me they would try to recover all they could from my defunct-hard drive. They warned me, however, that the chances of a full recovery were slim to none.

I got my computer back yesterday. The Tech Support guys were able to recover everything. Every keystroke I have ever taken since the day I purchased my laptop was saved. They even managed to save my massive iTunes collection. Needless to say, I am supremely grateful to the Tech Support crew here and they will be receiving a plate of homemade cookies from me tomorrow.

So, in legal life, there are really three essential rules:

Treat your legal support staff like gold and you can never go wrong.
If possible, treat your Tech Support staff even better.
ALWAYS back up your files.

Any questions?

"Oh, my God! She's Fashion Roadkill!"

2006-10-11T09:41:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong that my favorite episode of Sex and The City is the one where Carrie is in a fashion show and falls flat on her face? (The Real Me, Season 4.)

I've said this before. I love SaTC, but I freaking hate Carrie Bradshaw. She's whiny, she's selfish, she treats (good) men like crap... so everytime I see her fall on her face in that episode, I laugh hysterically.

I wonder what that says about me...

R-E, R-E-B, R-E-B-O-U-N-D

2006-10-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

I got engaged on the rebound. True story.

I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately, and the story of Kurt and I is a topic which frequently comes to mind. I guess the reason I still think about him and I is because I don't understand why I fought for that relationship so much. Kurt and I were extremely different. I was very career-driven; he played the X-Box all day, harboring dreams of becoming a writer. I prided myself on being very self-sufficient and responsible; it seemed like he expected everyone around him to take care of him, even after he turned 30. As I've said before, he was a real winner... not at all the type of guy I would normally go for. It's important to add that I hooked up with him on the tails of my relationship with a guy who I thought was "THE ONE."

His name was Chris. I call him that because he looked like Chris O'Donnell. I'm not joking. He was hot. We met by fluke and just hit it off. At the time, I was a senior in Psychology and he was a senior in Marketing. We were both super-career driven and were both in the process of applying to law schools. We were both movie buffs. We both loved books and writing. We both enjoyed outdoor activities; he was an avid biker, I enjoyed rollerblading. Naturally, we started dating.

Chris was unbelievably intelligent, and I thought that was the sexiest thing about him. (Well, that and his broad shoulders and six-pack abs, but I'm trying not to be shallow here.) Normal "dates" for us involved us hanging out in my apartment, with the TV turned to a hockey game while we were sprawled out in front of a Scrabble board. He knew how to cook and could make an incredible meal from scratch. Until Chris, I had never dated someone who made so many parts of me hum... I found him intellectually and emotionally stimulating, in addition to the physicalities between us. I swear, he would touch me on the shoulder, and my body would be on fire. I had never felt that kind of attraction before (and would not feel it again until Bauer.)

Then a lot of crap happened in his life and he needed to take some time to sort things out. I patiently waited until it became evident that he wasn't going to call me again. Honestly, I'm still not sure what happened between him and I. And then Kurt happened. Kurt had been sticking his head around while Chris and I were dating, and I didn't really think much of it... until I was broken-hearted over Chris and Kurt made his move.

So yeah. I started dating Kurt on the rebound. Initially, he was good to me and I thought I loved him, so when I proposed, I naturally said yes. I think the reason that relationship failed (besides the fact that he was a cheating scumbag) is due to the fact that I kept comparing him with Chris. Kurt couldn't cook; he wasn't hyper-driven, and so on and so on. To put it simply, Kurt couldn't measure up with Chris. In my mind, he never will. So, long story short: The BLS got engaged on the rebound.

What about you? Any similar stories out there, or am I the only fruitcake in the pantry?

Things that make you go "Eeewww!"

2006-09-28T11:04:00.000-07:00

IMDB is posting this story.

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Too Many Movies?

2006-09-28T09:30:00.000-07:00

I'm a person who likes to pepper my vocabulary with lines from my favorite quotable movies. However, I feel like I may have taken this too far recently, as observed by what's been recently overheard in Casa de BLS & Bauer:

(Scene: The BLS is sitting on the couch, playing her guitar to an instructional DVD)
Bauer: Hey, Stumpy! Are you sure that your little hands are big enough for that guitar?
The BLS: (sarcastically) Ha ha.
Bauer: Seriously, you look like you're really straining there.
The BLS: I'm fine.
Bauer: Are you sure? 'Cause it really looks like you can't reach...
The BLS: Sir, one more outburst from you and I will strangle you with my guitar strap.

(Scene: The BLS is frustrated because she can't get into the courtroom.)
Bauer: You okay?
The BLS: No, I'm frustrated because everytime I get to put on my shiny shoes, my case gets continued.
Bauer: I don't know what's worse. The fact that you referenced that movie in that way, or the fact that I got it right away.

(Scene: The BLS and Bauer are eating dinner.)
The BLS: Hey, would you like some more green beans?
Bauer: No, I think I'm doing okay here.
The BLS: Oh, you know you want some.
Bauer: No, I'm okay. Thanks.
The BLS: (putting the food on his plate) Eat the food!

I think it may be a time for a movie embargo, at least for awhile. Who's coming with me?

Just a Thought...

2006-09-25T12:01:00.000-07:00

After narrowly escaping another round of questions from Professor who likes to call on The BLS:

The BLS (whispering to The Statesman): Hey, I'm getting called on a lot. I should start reading for this class, huh?
The Statesman (dryly): Probably a good idea.

Open Forum

2006-09-22T08:31:00.000-07:00

I'm a student who likes to fly under the radar in my classes. So when a professor has been calling on me more times in the first weeks of school than I was called on during my entire second year of law school, I have to ask: Does the professor call on me because he likes what I have to say, or is he looking for me to crash and burn in front of 40 of my collegues?

Discuss.

Rant

2006-09-22T08:27:00.000-07:00

To whom it may concern:

You're taking law school WAY too seriously. Please. GET. OVER. YOURSELF.

Much obliged,

The BLS

Overheard at Taco Bell

2006-09-21T09:42:00.000-07:00

(Scene: The BLS pulls up to the Taco Bell drive-through in her car. She and Bauer are having a lazy night and want to buy some cheap food for themselves and Spawn of Bauer.)

Taco Bell Employee: Thank you for choosing Taco Bell, may I take your order?
The BLS: Yeah. Could I get a Burrito Supreme, an order of Spanish Rice, a Two Taco Kid's Meal with a Sprite, a large Baja Blast... (trails off)
Taco Bell Employee: ...and then?
The BLS: And then a Spicy Chicken Burrito, an order of Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes... (trails off)
Taco Bell Employee: ...and then?
The BLS: And then a large Pepsi.
Taco Bell Employee: ...and then?
The BLS: (catching on) No "and then!"
Taco Bell Employee: ...and then?
The BLS: (laughing) I refuse to play your Taco Bell mind games!
Taco Bell Employee: (laughing) Fine then, I'll have your total at the window.

Frankly, I'm embarrased that I didn't catch on after the first "and then." On occassion, does anyone else feel like they're trapped in a movie? (Image courtesy of www.bongonews.com)

Open Letter

2006-09-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Lexis-Nexis,

Thank you for establishing your points system. It has encouraged and motivated me to use your search engine for most of my legal research needs. However, this academic year has presented one major complaint in my mind: WHAT IN THE HELL IS UP WITH THE PASSPORT CRAP? I'm supposed to jump through your LexisNexis hoops in order to get 5 out of 6 passport stamps, and when I'm done with all that, I get 500 bonus points? It doesn't seem right or fair.

Please bring back the Ultimate Rewards system of old: I would like to earn a certain amount of points, be declared an Elite Member, and then given special prizes every month. That system was good. It worked.

This passport stuff-- it doesn't work. I'm surfing Westlaw more now.

Thank you for your consideration,

The BLS

"..I'm Addicted to You..."

2006-09-20T10:30:00.000-07:00

School is back in full swing again, which can only mean one thing: The BLS is fully entrenched in the fall TV lineup. I'm a little bitter that I don't think my cable carrier will be picking up The CW, but I have friends who will (and have offered) to record Veronica Mars for me, ensuring that I get my Neptune fix. (Thank God!) However, I'd like to point a finger at some other shows that have made my "Can. Not. Miss." list:

Desperate Housewives-- I know I'm jumping on the DH Bandwagon about two years too late, but I JUST got into this show... enough to rip through the first two seasons on DVD in about three weeks. Funnily enough, my late father was a HUGE fan of this show. A little odd, considering that the first season of the show kinda revolved around sex in a major way. His favorite character was Bree Van De Kamp, who has become one of my favorite characters as well (it's a toss-up between Bree and Susan, who I see SO MUCH of myself in that's it's not even funny.) This show has a lot going on as it begins to start it's third season: Another murder mystery, more love triangles, and did I mention that hotties like Kyle MacLachlan are signed to guest-star this season? (I know of at least one Twin-Peaker out there... besides me and The Statesman, that is...) And James Denton (who plays Mike Delfino, Susan's on-again, off-again boyfriend) is seriously hot. Seriously. Mike Delfino needs to call me. Rightnow. (DH airs Sunday nights at 8pm on ABC.)

Justice-- This show is at the top of my TiVo list. I absolutely LOVE this show. Obviously, it's a legal drama. It's about a group of lawyers working at a firm called TNT&G who specialize in criminal defense work. The show documents the journey of a client from the moment they walk into the door until the moment the verdict is read. What's unique about the show (and what I love about it) is that the audience is told what actually happened to the victim in the last two minutes of the show. So in other words, we get to see whether or not the defendant is actually guilty of the crime that they've been charged with. Kerr Smith (from Dawson's Creek) portrays the point man in these trials and I love his character. Victor Garber is also equally awesome, playing a guy that you absolutely love to hate. Three episodes have aired, and it's been pretty sweet. I haven't felt this strongly about a show since Family Guy, which can only mean one thing: Fox is going to cancel it. So, in advance-- screw you, Fox. (Justice airs Wednesday nights at 8pm on Fox.)

And Kerr Smith needs to call me. Rightnow.

More Conspiracy Theories!

2006-09-13T10:39:00.000-07:00

Here's an interesting one I picked up about a week ago, but forgot to blog about: Perez Hilton has reported that Baby Suri (who was recently featured on the cover of Vanity Fair with parents Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes) has actually been fathered by Katie's ex-boyfriend Chris Klein (of American Pie fame--he's not really doing much else anymore.) Check it for yourself (Hat tip: Perez Hilton)

I'm not saying that I buy into the whole conspiracy thing, but you have to admit that it makes for great gossip. Regardless of who her parents are, Baby Suri is freaking adorable. As much as I'm wary of TomKat, you have to admit that they have a beautiful child.

It's Official...

2006-09-13T10:35:00.000-07:00

Britney Spears is a baby machine. Apparently, she gave birth to another baby boy sometime yesterday.

It's sad. I've kinda given up on Britney making a triumphant comeback. I think she's surrendered herself to bad husband and bad hair-dom.

Yawn. Next.

Colds Suck

2006-09-12T08:57:00.000-07:00

As I said yesterday, I've been fighting off a cold. I've been taking all the preventative measures-- taking vitamins, drinking a lot of juice... and taking NyQuil at night to help knock out my sinus problems. Well, the Nyquil didn't just knock out my sinus problems. I woke up this morning all depressed and moody. I took a shower and was getting ready to go to class when Bauer poked his head in the bathroom:

Bauer: Hey, sweetie. Are we still going to see Hollywoodland tomorrow night?
The BLS: (looks at Bauer with a confused expression on her face)
Bauer: What?
The BLS: Didn't we break up last night?
Bauer: (his expression now matching The BLS's) Uhh... no.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I hate colds.

Quickly...

2006-09-11T10:57:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts last week. I've been trying to get into the swing of things at school, and it's been keeping me pretty busy. Add in the fact that my brother's dog (that he's had for 14 years) is being put to sleep today PLUS the fact that I'm fighting off a cold and you'll understand that I'm just plain grumpy.

Bauer didn't help, either. I was at home yesterday, crying over the fact that my brother is in so much pain over the loss of his dog (which is the closest thing he has to a child) and Bauer was wondering why I was having such major mood swings. So he asked the most inane (and insensitive) questions he could have: Are you pregnant? (He's lucky I didn't throw my Estates book directly at his head.)

Seriously. I was so angry, it made me think of that old Chris Rock stand-up routine about O.J., where he concluded, "I'm not saying he shoulda killed her... but I understand."

What's new in your neck of the woods?

"...Well, Bill... I Got Tangled. In Johnny Cash's Gee-tar Strap!"

2006-09-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

I bought a guitar yesterday. It's something that I've been mulling around for quite a while now (read: over a year), and I'm really looking forward to learning how to play it. I think I got really lucky, as the man I purchased it from was AWESOME. I wandered into a local music store and approached the first guy I saw... who happened to be the owner of the store. We had a short conversation about my desire to buy a beginner's guitar, preferably acoustic over electric, etc. He ended up hooking me up with the ultimate deal. Guitar, strap, case, picks, polishing cloth, two instruction DVD's, an instructional book, electric tuner, and extra strings for just a shade under $150. I was expecting to spend at least twice that.

Anyway, I was at home with my new "gee-tar," when Bauer happened to walk into the bedroom and notice me quasi-strumming with a blissful look on my face. He comically groaned, "Oh, no. You're not gonna become one of those tree-hugging hippies and decide to leave me for a woman, are you?"

Having a solid background in impromptu speaking (yep, I was a Speech nerd in high school), I proceeded to make up a song about buying a guitar and dumping my boyfriend so I could travel the world with my "grrl band."

Yeah, Bauer wasn't nearly as amused as I was. Not even when I informed him that there was a better chance of me leaving him for a biker named Biff...

...And I'll Cry if I Want To....

2006-08-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned it on the blog before, but I am currently involved with a man who has a child. He's not a weekend daddy, as he basically maintains full custody of his 6 year old daughter, who I will be referring to as Spawn of Bauer. Bauer was at the gym one afternoon, so I was babysitting Spawn of Bauer. She was being difficult and I was strugging to get to the root of the problem:

The BLS: Spawn of Bauer, why are you crying? Aren't you excited to be starting school tomorrow?
Spawn of Bauer: (crying) NO!
The BLS: Why not? When I was your age, I loved school! I still love school, because I'm still going! Why are you so upset?
Spawn of Bauer: (still crying) Because I'm going to have to learn math! (throws herself down on the bed theatrically)

It was hard to keep a straight face after that.

Conversations with the B-List: A Teen Idol

2006-08-30T12:54:00.001-07:00

I was working at the Cookie Bin when I saw her being seated. She wasn't in my section, so I really didn't pay too much attention. I heard some co-workers discussing her arrival, and I was quick to doubt that it was her. I found an excuse to place myself out by her table. The moment she opened her mouth to speak to her companion, I knew it was her.

I FREAKED out. Not literally, of course, because I was at work. Internally, however, I was going nuts. I went through high school with a poster of her most famous movie over my bed, and I had followed her career since then. Along with being in one of the top grossing movies of 1998, she also had a small role in one of the best movies ever made, at least in my opinion.

I approached her. She was TINY, people. She and I are about the same height, and I swear to God that I had at least 40 pounds on her. In my line of work, I was never really shy with people, but I had the hardest time talking to her. I totally regret my approach with her. My opening remark was, "Ohmigod, I grew up with a poster from (Movie Name) over my bed and your character was my favorite. Can I have your autograph?" SHE, on the other hand, was totally cool. She signed a menu that I brought her and answered all sorts of questions that some of the wait staff asked her.

The menu is hanging on my wall as I type this. It simply reads: To The BLS, All the Best, Fairuza Balk.

Totally cool. In retrospect, I wish I had been a little cooler. Oh, well. I made up for it with the ULTIMATE celebrity meeting... which will be discussed in a future post.

Open Letter

2006-08-28T18:05:00.000-07:00

To the Recently-Graduated Class of 2006,

As a member of the Class of 2007, I wanted to take the time to drop you a few lines. Due to your unethical ways, you have repeatedly found ways to screw my class over. At the beginning of each year of law school, my class has had to suffer the aftermath of your antics. I was hoping that since you were NOT going to be returning to school this semester that this would not be the case again this year. As I found out, I was wrong. I'm aware that I'm only bitching at a few people in your class, but frankly, I'm tired of paying the price for a couple of people who could care less about ethics. So thank you, Class of 2006, for screwing us over yet again. I look forward to another closed book exam.

Sincerely,

The Bitter Law Student

Speechless

2006-08-27T00:44:00.000-07:00

The BLS, Older Brother, and Mother of BLS are all sitting around the table playing a game of rummy. Everytime Mother of BLS discards a card, The BLS picks it up. Finally, Mother of BLS gets frustrated:

Mother of BLS: Is there anything that you don't want?
The BLS: (without missing a beat) A raging case of herpes?
Older Brother: (turning purple and beginning to squirm) I can't believe you said that in front of our mother!
The BLS: (laughing) Older Brother, I'm 27 and you're over 30! I can't believe you're such a prude.
Mother of BLS: Really, Older Brother. I've heard the word "herpes" before. It's not like she said something like throbbing cock.
The BLS and Older Brother: .....
Older Brother: I gotta go. (hastily exits the room)
Mother of BLS: What? A cock is a chicken!
The BLS: You are the coolest mother. Ever.
Mother of BLS: Finally catching on, are we? (continues to play rummy)

Conversations with the B-List: A Mother's Joy

2006-08-23T09:15:00.003-07:00

In my time working at The Cookie Bin and various other jobs, I have met my fair share of celebrities, both BIG and not-so-big. I've discussed my Bill Pullman experience on this blog before, but I thought it would be fun to talk about my encounters with those who are not-as-big as they perhaps should be:

I was managing a movie theater at the time. It was later in the afternoon, and I was waiting for the last theater to clear out. There were still two people in the last theater, watching the credits, and I was getting impatient, for the length of my break depended on how long these people wanted to dawdle in the theater. Finally, they emerged. They were a well-dressed, middle-age couple and the woman smiled at me apologetically:

Woman: Sorry. We love to watch the credits.
The BLS: Don't worry. That's okay.
Woman: Well, you see, our son is in the business, so we like to keep up on who's involved in the industry.
The BLS (thinking said son was a stuntman or extra): That's really neat. Would your son have been in something I've seen?
Woman (pausing): Well, he's been in quite a few independent movies, but he was just in Erin Brockovich. He played Julia Roberts's boyfriend.
The BLS: Oh! Your son is Aaron Eckhart?
Woman (grabbing her husband's arm): You know his name!? Oh, honey! She knows his name!

The proud parent then went on to tell me all the movies her son had been in. She specifically recommended an indie called In the Company of Men, where he was the principal actor. I put it on my "to-watch" list, but kept bumping it in favor of other movies. I did follow Aaron Eckhart's career, though. I was pumped to see him cast alongside some of Hollywood's biggest players (Hilary Swank, Gwenyth Paltrow, Ben Affleck, Uma Thurman, and Cate Blanchett are some of the folks he's shared screen time with), but I was always disappointed to see that the movies didn't do as well as they should have. I finally got around to watching In the Company of Men last week. All I have to say is this: What in the HELL is wrong with our industry today? There's this incredible talent that has yet to be fully discovered. This guy doesn't deserve a small role in movies alongside Hollywood's biggest players. Aaron Eckhart SHOULD BE one of Hollywood's biggest players.

Oh, well. I hear there's an opening at Paramount now. We can always dream, I guess.

Not-so-Shocking News

2006-08-22T17:59:00.000-07:00

Tom Cruise has been dropped by Paramount. Is anyone else surprised by their lack of shock to this news? It's stated that Paramount has found Cruise's off-screen behavior to be unacceptable. Let's see, couch-jumping, criticizing post-partum depression and antidepressants, combined with the whole Scientology thing and a dip in his box office numbers... what is Paramount thinking?

Oh, that's right. Tom Cruise is a sinking ship. Paramount was just smart enough to realize that.

Letter to Dad

2006-08-20T00:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Dad,

Where has the time gone? I can't believe that you've been gone a year today. A lot of stuff has happened over this period of time, but the one thing that stays the same is this: I miss you. I don't know why you thought that you were just a blip on my radar screen and that I would be over your death minutes after it happened, because that's not possible. You were my father, and I have so many memories of you and stuff that we used to do together. I remember more each day. Even though these memories of you and I make me cry, I think that overall I'm incredibly lucky to have these memories. I was incredibly lucky to have a father like you.

Memories that I've had recently:
* When I was 5, I wanted a Crystal Barbie more than anything in the world. I remember the day that you came home with one for me. I was so happy, I was rendered speechless.
* I remember moving from HomeTown #1 to HomeTown#2 with you when I was 8. During one of those trips, I helped you move the deep freeze into the freezer, and it was such a hard job that sweat was dripping from your nose when we finished.
* How you used to sit up with me at nights when I would have nightmares. You would drink coffee, I would have milk, and you would make me tell you all about the dream I had and why it scared me.
* Summers in Alaska and how you used to put up with any type of music that I wanted to listen to. New Kids on the Block, Bryan Adams, and Color Me Badd all come to mind. In retrospect, I can't believe you'd tolerate them.
* I remember how you loved pepperoni and pineapple pizza from Pizza Hut.
* I'll never forget how you seemed to have the patience to push through my angry teen angst. I know I was a handful. What I don't know is how you managed to be so patient through it all.
* One of my favorite memories is from College Town #1. I was working and wasn't scheduled to get Thanksgiving off, even though it had been promised to me. I was freaking out because the dorms were going to close and I would have nowhere to stay, and you came out to stay with me in a motel for that weekend. We had Thanksgiving dinner at a chain restaurant. Looking around, you made the comment that it was the most depressing thing you had ever seen. We had a good laugh about it.
* Older Brother and I always used to joke about how much you thought we liked ham, even though neither of us were big fans.
* You loved Macaulay Culkin movies. I remember how you hugged me when we watched My Girl and how hard you laughed when we saw Home Alone in the theatre. You also took me to see The Good Son, even though I wasn't even close enough to the age to see an R-rated movie.
* Above all, I remember how you were always there for me. Whenever anything went wrong, I knew that I could always call you and how you would always have something to say. Most times I didn't agree, but you were usually right.

I think of you everyday, and everyday I wish that I could get just a few more minutes with you. I know it's selfish, but I feel like I took you for granted. I feel like I could have been a better daughter to you. Please know that I loved you very much and I will always love you and I will always work at making you proud.

I love you,

The BLS

Words to the Wise

2006-08-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

If I could pass a message onto the incoming 1L's starting law school in the next couple of weeks, it would be this: HA HA HA SUCKERS! Get ready for 3 years of Hell!

But seriously... I wish that someone would have told me about the joys that are Westlaw and LexisNexis points sooner in my first year of law school. That way, I'd have more points accumulated and that iPod Nano would be mine. Now I have to wait at least another semester. My advice to incoming 1L's: Start saving those points early. You'll be amazed at how fast you can rack 'em up.

I'm not advocating study guides as THE only way to pass law school (as it's not) but when you have several members of the faculty recommend them over your first two years of law school... you start to think that there may be something to them. My advice to incoming 1L's: If a subject is giving you problems and you can find a study guide to help make sense of the black-letter and case law, then use it. Don't rely on it to pass, but use it to help your understanding of the subject.

Finally, the MOST important piece of advice I can pass on to any incoming 1L: Don't take law school too seriously. Yes, it's hard. Yes, you're going to wish yourself dead every once in a while, but don't get so consumed by it that you lose yourself in the process. Maintain relationships with your friends who are NOT in law school and make an effort to schedule yourself some "you" time. Yes, you are in the process of entering a very noble profession. Just don't let it get to you too much. As I am constantly reminded by my friends (both law and non-law related,) no one likes a tool.

And if none of this works, I can think of quite a few people who advocate drinking as a way of getting by. When all else fails = ALCOHOL.

Whee!

2006-08-17T10:07:00.000-07:00

LexisNexis and Westlaw have both turned on their points systems again. I am now thatmuch closer to getting my iPod Nano.

Let the points-whoring commence.

Living With Bauer

2006-08-17T07:48:00.000-07:00

You'll have to forgive this post if it doesn't make any sense... I didn't get very much sleep last night. When you factor in the fact that Bauer had to work early this morning, I hardly got any sleep at all. Why?

It's this simple: Bauer is LOUD. I have NO idea how one person can make so much noise in the morning. Here's a sample of how my morning went:

6:00am: Bauer's alarm goes off. He has it set on the maximum volume... and it usually goes off for at least 30 seconds before he hears it and hits the snooze button. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
7:00am: Bauer finally shuts off his alarm and gets up with such a force that I nearly fall out of bed. He rustles around in his drawers, gathering his clothes for the day. In the process, he manages to slam the dresser drawers at least four or five times. He disappears into the bathroom to shower.
7:25am: Bauer emerges from the shower and comes back into the bedroom. By this time, I've managed to go back to sleep. As soon as Bauer sits on the bed to get something else out of his nightstand, that's all shot to hell because I'm jostled awake, then forced to listen to Bauer slamming his drawers open and shut again.
7:30am: Bauer pounds up and down the stairs a couple of times before finally exiting the apartment. I try to go back to sleep, but it's futile.

I know that this is all part of living with someone, but lately, I feel like it's gotten totally out of hand. I know I'll eventually confront Bauer on this issue, but for right now... where's the coffee?

Drive-By

2006-08-16T13:18:00.000-07:00

As I was unloading groceries out of my car, a red car streaked by me and suddenly SLAMMED on its brakes. The driver leaned over into the passenger side of the seat and shouted, "Hey!" at me. I was a little wary, as I had never seen the man before in my life. I wondered if he was lost and in need of directions or if he was just a really bad hit man (you know, because so many people want me dead...). I cautiously approached his vehicle...

and the driver of the vehicle proudly held up the oldest pug I have ever seen in my life. She probably weighed close to 30 pounds and was obviously very old, but well-cared for. The driver of the vehicle had seen The Pug frolicking around while I was unloading groceries, and he wanted to express some Pug-owner solidarity. After telling me about his pug named Pepper and that she was 13 years old (!), I introduced him to The Pug, who is nearing her 3rd birthday. We oohed and aahed over each other's pet, and he was on his way.

The strangest things happen when you live in a "friendly" town....

The Reluctant Convert

2006-08-14T16:29:00.000-07:00

When Bauer and I first met, he was a staunch Republican. He was very firm in his ways and was shocked when he found out that I did not vote for Bush in the last election. He even went as far as to say that had he known about my politics before we started dating, he would not have asked me out. (If it matters, I seconded the motion on that one--had I known about his politics, I would not have agreed to go out with him)

Fast forward a year and a half. Bauer, whether he wants to admit it or not, is now more liberal in his thinking. I take partial credit for this. (Only partial, because Bauer's boss is very liberal... and very persuasive.) Anyway, Bauer and I were talking this weekend about the joke that has become the White House. After making the shrewd observation that the country has gone to hell under the Bush Administration, Bauer had a plan: Due to the fact that G.W. Bush has taken more time off than any other president in office, gas prices are at a record high, and we're fighting a senseless war, he proposes that Bush should be denied his presidential pension. I called it a brilliant Jerry Maguire moment for Bauer and am seriously considering making a rough draft of this legislative bill.

So, fellow readers, I ask of you...: "Who's coming with me?"

Is it Wrong...

2006-08-10T13:07:00.000-07:00

that I just heard an ad on television regarding a certain medication that's been causing health problems and that I'm happy because I know that Yoko took that medication?

Screw it. I'm going to hell anyway. Might as well enjoy myself while I'm here.

The Ambulance Chaser

2006-08-08T11:48:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts this week. I was on vacation with Bauer. We didn't really go anywhere exciting, but it was nice to get away for awhile.

While on vacation, Bauer and I stayed in a nice hotel in a nice area of the place we were visiting. I liked the fact that it was close to everything that he and I wanted to see. One downfall, though: It was RIGHT next to a hospital. After a day of sight-seeing, Bauer and I were heading back to the hotel. En route, I got behind an ambulance. Bauer and I could see that there was someone in the back of the ambulance, as we could see the medical technicians working to help them. We didn't figure it was an embergency, though, since the lights weren't on and the ambulance wasn't speeding. I still hung back as much as I could, though, letting the ambulance get to its destination.

We were almost to the hospital when Bauer turned and said: "F***ing Ambulance Chaser."

Smooth Operator

2006-07-31T13:31:00.000-07:00

I'll just put it out there: I have a way with the men... if that way involves blushing, stammering, and generally sounding like an idiot.

Case in point: I was at Starbucks the other day, getting my daily caffeine fix, when I saw THE BEST looking guy I have ever seen in my life. He also happened to be a barista. I know Brian has commented on it in the past, but damn, Starbucks does hire some good looking people! Anyway, I was at that pre-coffee stage (you know, matted hair, eyes glazed, the whole nine yards) and had just thrown on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt to go get my coffee. I wasn't really in the mood to make conversation, but the barista had a way of reeling me in. It all started as I was waiting for him to make my coffee:

Hot Barista: So, you're a law student, huh?
The BLS: Huh?
Hot Barista: It says (my law school) on your shirt.
The BLS: Oh, yeah.
Hot Barista: (handing The BLS her coffee) Yeah, I've always thought that brainy chicks were really hot.
The BLS: (almost spilling her hot coffee all over herself) Flanninghaff..... (The BLS scurries out of Starbucks)

Yep, I am truly a smooth operator. Seriously, how did Bauer and I ever hook up?

Happy Blog-o-versary!

2006-07-28T10:12:00.000-07:00

This blog turns 1 year old today. It's been an interesting first year, that's for sure. Those of you that have been around since the blog's inception know that I've had a wild ride. Hell, even those of you that HAVEN'T been around the whole year know that I've had a pretty wild ride. Crazy ex-girlfriends, psycho ex-boyfriends, canine surgeries, estate drama, work strife-- this blog has seen it all.

Thanks to all of you for your unending support this past year. I thought it would be fun to re-post the entry that started it all:

At Least Cobain HAD Talent! (DANGER: Bitter Ranting Ahead)

Okay... here's the situation. (I love starting sentences with lyrics from Will Smith songs... MAD props to anyone who can get that reference, although I'm remembering that the host of The Real Gilligan's Island says it too.) For the sake of protecting all involved (namely: The Bitter Law Student herself) I'm going to change some names around. Anyway, so I have this horrendous Ex-From-Hell who we're going to call "Kurt," because he slightly resembled and therefore wanted to BE the former lead singer for the band Nirvana. Kurt and I dated... we were happy and decided that we wanted to get married. Then all hell broke loose and we split up. Reconciliation was in the works, though... so I continued to ride this merry-go-round for a YEAR AND A HALF. And it was always the same story. "I love you, but I don't know if I'm IN LOVE with you... but I think we'll end up getting back together." Blah blah blah.

Enter "Yoko," his supposed "best friend" (who is female: I already hear enough jokes about Kurt's sexual orientation... let's put them to bed right here) who was also supposed to be THE MAID OF HONOR in our wedding! (calling Rachel Greene, come in Rachel Greene!) Yoko also informed me that she had NO plans to move in on Kurt; that she and Kurt were just friends and that it would never change. (Anyone see where this is going?) Anyway, while Kurt and I continued on our strange little dance of doing-everything-you-do-when-you're-dating-without-calling-it-dating, I started to question his friendship with Yoko. You know, I thought it was weird when Yoko would call him at 2am, and when her dog died, and for what seemed like regular twenty-minute intervals. I deemed it odd when he "coincidentally" decided that he wanted to hang with HER on Valentine's Day instead of me... and HIS BIRTHDAY. (Yeah, I know... I'm so stupid I should be a contestant on The Gong Show.) Anyway, during this time, he insisted that he and Yoko were "just friends," and it took two people to point out to me that he was lying through his teeth: My therapist... and HIS MOTHER, who sold him out like the cheap whore he is.

So... upon hearing the words of Kurt's mother, I changed the locks on my apartment and told him to get his things out. THAT didn't happen until the weekend of July 4th... when I "moved him out"...essentially, placing his things in a storage unit.) Kurt and I had done some pretty serious bickering over this time frame, mainly over custody of MY dog. THAT's another post. Anyway, Yoko had been planning to go to graduate school in a place that Kurt would (and should) have had ZERO interest in. However, I've heard from mutual friends that Kurt quit his job and is planning to move there this fall. Yeah, Yoko and Kurt are SO not an item, right? Anyway. My friends (bless them) have heard me whine about Kurt for months, so I'm going to do everyone a favor and I'm going to tell him everything that I would LIKE to say to his face, but just can't. If you're ONE of those friends who have let me vent on their shoulder, feel free to skip the next paragraph (or six):

I feel sorry for you. I'm sorry that you're over 30 now, and you still don't have a CLUE as to what you want to do with your life. I'm sorry that you seem to think that it's everyone's fault but yours. You think moving with Yoko is going to change anything? You think it's going to change the fact that you LIE and CHEAT on the women that you "claim"to love? You once told me that I had been raised to be a liar... what a great case of the pot calling the kettle black. I never lied to your face or led you to believe something that wasn't true. I'm not the one who toyed with people's emotions just because I could. That's the difference between you and me. You may not believe that I was brought up to be honest... but I was brought up with a conscience. You should really look that term up. Hell, I'll even buy you a dictionary so you can look it up.

I'm sorry that your life isn't what you want it to be, but don't you think you're a little too old for the things you want to do? The whole Peter Pan syndrome is NOT attractive to women your age, which is probably why your girlfriends keep getting younger and younger.. and when they inevitably grow up, as I did, they'll realize that you're nothing but a leech. If you wanted to do something with your life, you would have DONE it, or you'd be on the road to doing it... and dropping out of college (again) is NOT means of achieving your goals. You think a change of scenery (and women) is going to help you with your chronic depression... cause that follows you WHEREVER you try to run. Do you think you're going to get discovered out there? Cause, honey, if Soderburgh hasn't knocked on your door yet, chances are he's not gonna. Oh, and as for the whole Nirvana thing? Yeah, Kurt Cobain was amazing. But he lived an incredible life by the time he was 27... by my calculations, you're three years over that mark and counting. And besides, COBAIN HAD TALENT.

I'm not bitter that you didn't want me. In time, I'll thank you for being the selfish ass that you are. I'm bitter because I wasted so much of my life and my energy with you, and on you, wondering what you saw in Yoko instead of me... wondering why I wasn't good enough for you. I'm bitter because everytime I tried to make a clean break, you were there to make sure that it was something straight out of a bad episode of 90210: The Brenda Years. In my heart, I know we weren't a good fit. I was more ambitious and wanted more out of life than you knew what to do with. And you focused more time on your precious X-Box than on your dreams and that frustrated the hell out of me. I know that you would have cheated on me... repeatedly. I know that you would have lied to me... constantly. So, I'm thanking you already for getting the hell out of my life. And as for Yoko? Well, let's just say this: I thought she was smarter than that. Apparently not, as she's been "friends" with you for years and seen you do this merry-go-round with a number of women. She's not going to change you, and to quote some Savage Garden, "When the madness stops, then you will be alone." So, goodbye, Kurt. And Yoko? He's all yours. May God have mercy on your soul.

Celebity Couple Backlash

2006-07-27T10:47:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it. I'm a proud subscriber to US Weekly. I adore the magazine and I love how it gives me my celebrity fix. I love that its mindless reading, so I can read it while I'm on the treadmill. Initially, I was amused at the nicknames these magazines bestowed upon celebrity couples to begin with. (Bennifer 2.0 is still my favorite, for those of you that are interested.) However, I'm getting tired of the cutsey nicknames and the constant press these couples are getting. Frankly, it's gotten older than Strom Thurmond. With Brangelina, TomKat, and Spederline running around, I have to ask:

Does anyone else miss the good old days?

Out of the Closet

2006-07-26T18:32:00.000-07:00

I just got an e-mail from Marilyn, who filled me in on the latest news regarding Lance Bass. It's important to note at this point that a good part of the time that Marilyn and I spent solidifying our friendship was during 'NSYNC's finest hour, you know, when they were the kings of TRL and when Justin was dating Britney. We both shared a love for the boy band and spent countless hours together, watching various 'NSYNC videos and gabbing about JC, Justin, Lance, Joey, and Chris. I want to even say that Marilyn's cousin even bought her the 'NSYNC game. (Do you still have that, Marilyn? If so, we should sell it on eBay with my Sweet Valley High and Girl Talk board games...in addition to a notorious engagement ring *insert evil laugh*)

I personally think a person's sexual orientation is their business and it shouldn't matter to the general public whether or not a person is gay or straight. I'm torn as to whether or not Lance's sexual orientation would have affected 'NSYNC's popularity or record sales. (I'm actually leaning towards the camp that it may have boosted sales, but that's just me.) Like I've said in similar conversations regarding Clay Aiken, it doesn't really matter to me. But kudos to him for coming out.

The Time Warp

2006-07-25T12:31:00.000-07:00

Female Co-Worker and I spent a good part of yesterday morning bonding over a pesky legal brief. This bonding was solidified by an offer to go to lunch, which I took her up on. I'm a pretty agreeable person, so I decided to leave the decision of where to eat lunch up to her. She said, "Oh, I know the BEST place! You're going to love it! We'll fit right in!"

She took me to a little restaurant that I had drove past several times, but never went into. As soon as we set foot in the door, I immediately understood why. We were the youngest people in the restaurant BY AT LEAST 30 YEARS!

But hey, the food was good and I can safely say that Female Co-Worker and I have put a pretty sweet cornerstone on a friendship.

Observation

2006-07-20T09:45:00.000-07:00

Why is it that you can put Colin Farrell in a 1980's pantsuit, complete with a handlebar mustache and a glorified mullet, and he's STILL smokin' hot?

We're not even going to comment on Jamie Foxx. Damn.

I personally think this movie is going to suck, but I'm going to go for the eye candy. I have people that would be disappointed if I didn't...

Deja Voodoo

2006-07-19T14:15:00.000-07:00

Marilyn and I went and saw The Break Up recently. I like Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, so I was looking forward to the movie. I thought it was pretty good for a dramedy, but there were a few moments that hit a little too close to home with me (considering my romantic history with Kurt.) A few examples:

--The scene following the "break-up" when Jennifer Aniston returns home from work to find Vince Vaughn already there playing Playstation 2 games. She calmly walks into her bedroom and starts blasting Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill. I laughed so hard at this scene it hurt. I've actually DONE THIS BEFORE. I'm not sure what that's saying about me, since it came off as a little melodramatic in the movie...

--The scene in which Jennifer Aniston finally quits her games and breaks down crying in the bedroom in front of Vince Vaughn, spilling her guts and saying, "I don't know how we got here." Vaughn's response? "YOU broke up with ME." I about threw my Junior Mints at the screen at this scene. This was a line that Kurt frequently used. It got so aggravating that at one point, I started to mimic him as a broken record (complete with the sound effect of the record scratching and repeating.) Maturity at its finest, I'm aware. I'm just saying I've been there.

What about you folks? Any movie scenes that hit a little too close to home in YOUR life?

When it Rains... (The Dance Mix)

2006-07-18T15:30:00.000-07:00

I'm at work again when I recieve a frantic call from Bauer. He's frustrated because I haven't been answering my phone and I'm frustrated because I'm trying to crank out another Motion to Dismiss and my phone has been ringing off the hook. Apparently the dishwasher in our apartment is on the fritz. I'm NOT a plumber (and neither is Bauer) but I still don't understand why he's calling me to tell me that the dishwasher isn't working. I told him to call our landlord.

He does, and the landlord sends out a repairman for the dishwasher. The repairman was there all of ten seconds. He took one look at the dishwasher and started laughing. Wanna know why it wasn't working?

THE LOWER TRAY WAS IN BACKWARDS.

I swear, I couldn't make this up if I tried.

Overheard on The BLS's Phone...

2006-07-13T11:34:00.000-07:00

The BLS: Hey, I'm supposed to be yelling at you!
Big Brother: Why?
The BLS: Because Dad's lawyer told me that you're the one holding up the close of Dad's estate.
Big Brother: Ohh.
The BLS: Yeah, some of us are poor law students and don't have the big bucks like you, so you wanna get that taken care of so I can get some financial assistance over here?
Big Brother: OR... you can just let me write you a check every month and we can keep Hated Sister from getting any money for a while.
The BLS: (shocked silence, then hysterical laughter) That was so diabolical! I'm actually jealous that I didn't think of it first.

It's times like these that I think the wrong sibling went to law school.

While You Were Sleeping...

2006-07-10T09:30:00.000-07:00

I was in a bar with some friends. We had been enjoying a relaxing night, ordering some steak and beer, when someone spotted him from across the room. The group was quick to doubt whether or not the mystery man was him. The true movie buffs of the group were quick to confirm that it was, in fact, he. We approached him and asked him to meet the group outside.

He was quick to come outside. He was one of the friendliest individuals that I had ever met. I was astonished at his easygoing nature. We had a nice conversation regarding movie choices, but I was so star-struck that I think I stammered and mumbled a lot. He posed for a picture with my friends and I and afterwards, he was on his way.

That's right, readers. While you were sleeping, I met Bill Pullman. Any celebrity sightings from your neck of the woods?

Relationship Problems: Solved!

2006-07-07T20:59:00.000-07:00

Marilyn's father has just passed some wisdom on to me that I think will help out my relationship with Bauer. Apparently, there are four key phrases that are essential to a happy relationship:

1. Yes, dear.
2. No, dear.
3. I'm sorry, dear.
4. Whatever you say, dear.

The secret fifth rule is to NEVER say, "I'll never do that again," because then they'll know you're lying.

Please send your cash payments to bitterlawstudent@gmail.com.

When It Rains...

2006-07-06T09:45:00.000-07:00

I got a phone call yesterday, in the middle of the afternoon, in the middle of work. It was Bauer, who was freaking out because the TiVo wasn't working. I'm not a techie, so I did the best I could to walk him through the problem. I asked if the TV was on the right channel. He said yes. I asked if the TV was on the right video input. He said yes. He SWORE up and down that it was something deeper--he didn't do anything wrong and the TiVo HAD TO BE broken. I suggested that he unplug the TiVo, and plug it back in to see what would happen. He did--nothing happened.

Then a few minutes later, it hit him. Maybe he should check to see if the TiVo was on the right channel. It wasn't. It was on Channel 2 instead of Channel 4. He changed it to Channel 4, heard the familiar "ding" we've all come to associate witih TiVo, and he was thrilled that he had fixed the TiVo on his own.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that checking the channel wasn't initially his idea.

Viewer Mail

2006-07-05T12:25:00.000-07:00

Xxx Xxxxxx <xxx.xxxxxx@gmail.com> to me More options 11:55 am (1 hour ago)

Hi,

I'm a fan of your blog, and I have been reading it for quite some time. However, I work in a small legal office and there have been some allegations that I am the author of your blog. My co-workers are understandably upset and I feel like my reputation and my job may be at stake. As you should know, the legal community is a small one and I have worked too hard to ruin my name before I even start.

Due to the number of similarites between your blog and my job, I must respectfully ask if it would be possible for you to take down the material regarding your workplace? My work situation is strained and perhaps this would be a first step in rebuilding those relationships that I've come to cherish.

Thank you,

Xxx Xxxxxx

------------------------------------------------------------------

Xxxxxxxx Xxxxxxxx to me Jul 3 (2 days ago)

Hello. I guess I'm curious where you law office is. It sounds a lot like a public defenders' office that I work for. hmm...

Funny Associate?

-------------------------------------------

First things first,

This blog was supposed to be fun. I can see that it's causing people some undue hardships. My apologies go out to the authors of the two e-mails I have recieved. This was not my intent in the creation of this blog. Since this blog's inception, people have thought they have known who I am. People have listed me as a Washington, D.C. blog and as a blog out of Texas. The reason no one knows exactly where I am is because I choose not to tell. I did this as a way to give myself some anonymity, and I'm sorry if the stories I have chosen to tell have offended some and hurt some feelings. I'm especially sorry that it's caused problems within a workplace. As I said, this blog was not meant to be taken seriously: it was intended for entertainment and entertainment only.

While my first instincts regarding these e-mails were to delete them and disregard them, I do have a conscience and I do feel bad that people have been affected. Therefore, I have decided that even though I didn't write the blog posts about the people they have affected, I will remove all materials relating to my job. I don't want to cost anyone a job. My sincere apologies go out to those who have been affected.

From The BLS and The Pug...

2006-07-04T09:15:00.000-07:00

Have a safe and happy 4th of July!

SOUL PATROL!!!

2006-05-24T20:18:00.000-07:00

Holy crap. I can't believe Taylor Hicks won American Idol this season. I had calle d him as my long shot, but I never expected him to win.

Congrats, dude. You deserve it.

For the record, Idol still robbed Chris Daughtry, the show still sucks, and I will not watch it next season.

Public Service Announcement

2006-05-24T07:49:00.000-07:00

Dump him, Brit. Dump his free-loading ass NOW.

(Hat tip: Celebrity Smack)

Hurry Up and Wait!

2006-05-22T10:38:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in my office in Summer City right now. I've been here for about 2 hours now. Frankly, I'm impressed that I even FOUND the office, given all the problems that I've been having with the streets in Summer City. Anyway, I met my supervisor again, took a quick tour of the office, was given some paperwork to fill out, and was told to clean off the desk in the office where I'll be working this summer.

Yeah, I finished all of that thirty minutes ago. Now I'm waiting for my supervisor to come back into my office so we can go over to the courthouse. Apparently, I can't look at any case files until I've completed the necessary "training" for both the county AND the state. So far in my work week, I've determined that my light panel has 36 panels, my ceiling has 45 panels, my clock's battery stopped ticking at 10:54 am, and I can blog under the guise that I'm streaming my LaunchCast radio station.

Is this how it is working for The Man?

UPDATE (12:05pm) I've now refilled my tape dispenser and my stapler. I've gone on a office supply run... still no sign of the supervisor. Good lord.

The Last Minute Cram

2006-05-17T14:02:00.000-07:00

The clock is ticking... I'm in the final hours of my massive Constitutional Law cramming. The test needs to be picked up by 4:30pm tomorrow and returned no later than 4:30pm on Friday. The zero hour is upon me, and the next time I post, I'll probably be in Summer City, living with my good friend Marilyn and her hubby JonBoy.

One test to go... here's hoping that last minute panic will turn into test brilliance.

Finals Can Bite Me

2006-05-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the short post. Tests have been killing me. I have to take my Federal Courts test in 45 minutes. When that's over, then I have to prepare for my Constitutional Law exam, which is a 24 hour take-home extravaganza. Following that, I need to haul ass over to Summer City, where I will be starting my job with the State Agency on Monday. (Anonymity sucks-- I wish I could just tell you where I'm going... but I don't wanna get ejected from law school or fired.)

In any case, Finals suck.

American Idol = RIGGED

2006-05-10T20:04:00.000-07:00

You know, American Idol has pulled some crap in the past with how the voting stacks up. I've seen some great performers get voted off before their time. The names LaToya London, Jennifer Hudson, and Constantine Maroulis come to mind. Tonight, however, they went too far.

American Idol is rigged. That's all there is to it. My pick to win, Chris Daughtry, was voted off. I'm shocked. Chris was by far the best contestant who showed an incredible range of talent. The saddest part of the whole thing? He was really good last night, too. It's come to make me realize something which I think I was too naive to see in the past: The show HAS GOT to be rigged. Why would it be rigged, you may ask? To create ratings. Why? Two words: May Sweeps.

After three faithful seasons of watching, all I am reduced to is this: Screw you, American Idol. You've just lost a viewer.

Mary-Kate and Ashley: Antichrists No More

2006-05-10T12:21:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, my friends and I used to joke about Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen being the Antichrist. During this time (we were right in the middle of the dot-com boom), the common thought was that Bill Gates was the Antichrist, so this statement by my group of friends and I was a little edgy. I mean, think about it. Circa 2000, Mary-Kate and Ashley were 15 and mega-millionaires, not to mention the youngest movie producers in history, with super-successful clothing and doll lines. Given the speculation that they could be billionaires by the time they turned 21, it seemed like they were on a mission to take over the world.

As of today, I have decided to retract that statement. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are NOT the Antichrist. The Antichrist has decided to take over the world by reproducing over and over again (or in his case-- over and over and over and over again.) He's brought terror upon the world in the form of his "music" stylings (which rank me as the second-most popular hit for "Popozoa," by the way...)

Congratulations, K-Fed. You're the new Antichrist.

I Have No Words (Extended Disco Version)

2006-05-10T00:12:00.000-07:00

Since it's Finals Fortnight here at my law school, I've been keeping odd hours. When I'm keeping such strange hours, I thank my TiVo for consistently recording the TV shows that have become my electronic Prozac... like Veronica Mars, which aired its season finale tonight. You loyal readers know all about my love of this show, as I've previously sang its praises. In regards to the season finale of Veronica Mars, I can only say the following: HOLY CRAP!!! Those of you who have not been watching the show should be pistol-whipped. This show is amazing, and although the final hour of Season 2 could have been absolutely horrible and campy, the strong performances kept me glued to my TV screen, horrified and mesmerized at the same time. All I can say (without ruining anything for anyone) is that there were MAJOR payoffs all around.

The only crime in Veronica Mars' season finale? We still have NO idea as to whether this show is going to survive the UPN/WB merger. If it doesn't, I'll be so pissed. This show is incredible. I'm not the only one who thinks it, either.

Fellow readers, you need to file this show under "NEED TO BE WATCHING."

I Have No Words

2006-05-08T18:37:00.000-07:00

To the person who found my website by looking for "hot 13 year old girls..."

You. Sick. Bastard!

"You Had a Bad Day, You're Taking One Down..."

2006-05-06T00:08:00.000-07:00

I just gave my beloved pink iPod mini an extended bath in my washing machine (It was hidden in my backpack where law school thiefs couldn't find it... and I forgot to check the pocket before I threw it into the machine!) Thank God for Best Buy's Product Protection Plan, which is rapidly turning into the best $50.00 I've ever spent. Ever.

VICTORY!!!

2006-05-01T08:21:00.000-07:00

Number of credit hours in my Constitutional Law Class: 4
Number of weeks in the semester: 15
Total number of Constitutional Law Classes: 60
Total number of times I was called on in class: 0

Five Things

2006-05-01T07:45:00.000-07:00

The Anonymous Cog sent me ANOTHER meme that I haven't seen before, so I suppose that I'll be a good sport and participate...

What were you doing ten years ago? I was a junior in high school at this time (like the kids of West Beverly!) and I was probably sitting in Algebra II, dreaming of the day that I would be in law school. Man, was I naive.

What were you doing one year ago? Freaking out about my second round of final examinations. Thanks to the wonderful assistance of The Statesman and Kitrah, I not only made it through all my exams, but did fairly well on them.

Five snacks you enjoy:
-Doritos (Nacho Cheese over Cool Ranch)
-Pepsi (it's not really a snack, but I DO look forward to it every day)
-Sundried Tomato and Basil Wheat Thins
-Cheese Fries
-Vanilla Ice Cream

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics (oh, lord):
"Bye Bye Bye"-- 'NSync
"Til I Find You Again"-- Richard Marx
"Light My Fire" --The Doors
"Since You've Been Gone" --Kelly Clarkson
"Ice Ice Baby"-- Vanilla Ice (and I'm not the only one!)

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
-Buy my mom a new house with a huge yard and a maid.
-Travel the world (specifically Egypt, Italy, and France)
-Buy a first edition of "Little Women" by Louisa May Alcott-- my favorite book
-Buy myself a house (so I never have do deal with renting apartments again) and install a movie theatre in it.
-Buy a few more Pugs to keep The Pug company.

Five things you like doing:
-Reading
-Writing (not just on blogs, either)
-Spending time with friends and family
-Watching movies
-Playing with The Pug

Five things you would never wear again:
-That New Kids on the Block t-shirt that was all the rage back in the mid to late 90's.
-The 'fro that I sported from 4th grade until 9th grade.
-The Coke-bottle glasses that I had to wear until 10th grade (when I got contacts)
-Slap Bracelets
-Day-Glo Green

Five favorite toys:
- Laptop
- iPod
- TiVo
- GameBoy
- Punching Bag

Standard non-tagging rules apply... lemme know if you decide to participate. :)

This Means War...

2006-04-30T00:01:00.000-07:00

I JUST opened a letter from EMPC regarding my security deposit. Not only are they trying to take my ENTIRE security deposit, they are claiming that I owe them $400 for carpet replacement. I was really upset forty-five minutes ago, but now I'm just plain mad. I see enough discrepancies in their receipts to have a case in small-claims court, and I think that's the avenue that I'm going to take.

What they're trying to do isn't right. I'm not going to let them do it.

Keep Your Eyes on Your Own Paper, K-Fed...

2006-04-27T08:24:00.000-07:00

Continuing the grand tradition of the sport that I've come to know as K-Fed Bashing, I present this to you. I'm no expert on Copyright Law (I usually pass the questions to Captain America, Kitrah, or Professor K), but I DO know that you're not allowed to take someone else's composition and pawn it off as your own! That's just plain old high school logic. Since K-Fed probably skipped a lot of high school to go smoke weed behind the bleachers, I guess it's understandable that he missed that day.

Ironically enough, K-Fed's forthcoming *shudder* album is entitled Playing With Fire. Anyone else think it should be called Dances with Lawsuits?

Identity Crisis

2006-04-25T12:50:00.000-07:00

In the last week, two classmates have called me out for my extensive pop culture awareness. I'm not sure how I feel about this, as I obviously have made an impact upon my classmates as being a mega-movie and pop culture buff.

The first occurrence happened with my friend Recovering Catholic. She was talking with a group of friends in the hallway as I passed by with Kitrah and The Statesman. She shouted out, "BLS! You'll know this!" I dropped back and asked Recovering Catholic what was up, expecting her to ask me to clarify a Business Transactions assignment. Instead, she asked me, "Is it true that Britney Spears was the target of a child welfare investigation?" I said, "Oh, yeah. Her baby fell out of a high chair, I think." She turned back to her group of friends, exclaiming, "Val, you were right!" I shook my head, smiled, and went about my merry way.

The second occurrence happened today. I was walking outside towards my car when I happened upon Captain America and a classmate I have not discussed before, but who I will call Contracts Whiz, as he was the guy in Contracts who seemed to understand EVERYTHING about them. I admired him and hated him at the same time. But I digress. Anyway, I cracked a joke to Captain America and he said, "We're frozen. Haven't you seen The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe?" I said, "I read the book years ago, but I still haven't seen Narnia." Contracts Whiz looked at me and said, "You mean there are movies YOU haven't seen?"

So, I pose the question to you: Is it better to have an identity as the gal who knows an awful lot about pop culture, or should I have been pushing harder to make my law school identity a hard-working and studious one?

I don't know. You tell me.

Must Run Slow...

2006-04-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

because I keep getting tagged! The offender this time? LawNut. Since I haven't seen this particular meme, I thought it would be fun to give it a whirl. Without further adieu, I present to you:

Six Weird/Interesting Things You Probably Don't Know About Me:

1. I'm addicted to Pogo. When I'm in class, you can usually catch me doing one of two things: blogging or playing Pogo. Damn them for offering cute and fun badges that I feel I have to win. Damn them!

2. For the most part, I am the enforcer of a Lifetime embargo. (Television for Women, my ass.) However, I make an exception to this embargo for one show: Unsolved Mysteries. The show went out of production back in 2003, when Robert Stack died, but I still watch it in reruns on Lifetime. The cases are all about five to twenty years old, but a lot of them are absolutely fascinating.

3. I'm a firm believer in having Ally McBeal moments where you spaz out and dance around your living room with your favorite music blaring loudly. I think it keeps you young. I try to do it at least once a week. (Side note: I just found out I can buy the complete series of Ally McBeal for $175.00. It's highway robbery, but I'm actually considering it... it was a cute show when it was in its element.)

4. I have a celebrity crush on Seth Green. Come on! I DARE you not to develop a crush on someone who is witty, intelligent, successful, and semi-attractive.

5. Although Kitrah and I have tried to swear them off, I'm pretty sure that I'm addicted to the Chicken Wings that are served at this Wing Place just off campus. The Statesman, Kitrah, and I go have lunch there quite a bit. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that they've put an addictive chemical in their chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly.... (name that quote!)

6. I am thinking about switching my career interests from prosecution/criminal law to strictly Entertainment Law. Even though my law school doesn't offer a course in Entertainment Law, I am planning on taking an Independent Study course over the summer where I will basically teach myself the basics of Entertainment Law. Given my extreme level of interest in the subject, I would like to turn it into something that's not just "good for Trivial Pursuit." (I'm a master at getting the Arts and Entertainment piece of the pie, yo...)

As much fun as it would be to tag someone with this meme, I'm not gonna. I know everyone is busy this time of year. If you want to do it on your own time, that's great. Let me know and I'll read it, but I'm not gonna force you.

Trial and Tribulations

2006-04-18T10:11:00.000-07:00

Kitrah and I had our mock trial last Thursday. As a team, we represented the plaintiffs in a wrongful death action. I thought we had a pretty solid case against the defendant corporation, but we ended up losing due to the negligence of a third party. While I was initially a bit bummed, I felt like Kitrah and I accepted our defeat with dignity and grace. I also took solace in the fact that we totally could have moved for a mistrial and the judge most likely would have granted it (due to the fact that opposing counsel made a MONUMENTAL error in his closing statement that completely tainted the jury.) In addition, Kitrah and I were told that the facts of the case were against us, but we had presented a better case overall. I'm translating that into meaning that we'll get a good grade.

I used the mock trial as an excuse to break in a new pair of shoes. They're a really cute pair of platform shoes with a 3.5 inch heel (and I'm pushing 5'6" when I wear them, which is AWESOME.) Anyway, they looked great with my trial suit and I thought that I had gotten adequately adjusted to the extra height on the heel. Apparently NOT. On Friday, I was trotting into the law school to grab my checkbook, and my ankle buckled. This happens on occasion, and usually I can recover without any injury to myself (besides looking stupid, that is.) Not this time. The extra half-inch on my platform was enough to sprain my ankle as I stumbled over the sidewalk. Thankfully, I did NOT fall down, although I probably should have, as I was the dumbass who was trotting around in 3.5 inch heels. I'm not sure why I have such an affinity for platform shoes... probably for the same reason my friend Amanda has an affinity for purses and playing Bingo. (No, she's not 80!) So I've been sporting a slightly sprained ankle for the last couple of days. Does it hurt? A bit. Has it stopped me from wearing the shoes? No.

I think I really may be a dumbass....

Vindication

2006-04-14T12:55:00.000-07:00

See? Other people share in my views, too!

(Hat tip: I-66, who provided the picture.)

Lightweight Woes

2006-04-12T12:07:00.000-07:00

I just got back from lunch with The Statesman and Kitrah. We ate Mexican food, and I had a glass of wine with my lunch. (Hey! They were having margaritas! I felt like I should partake in the alcoholic fun, too!)

I'm pretty sure I'm buzzed and I have to write questions (and an opening statement) for my mock trial tomorrow.

Being a lightweight blows.

First Amendment Fun

2006-04-12T12:05:00.000-07:00

To the woman who shot me a dirty look because of the "Impeach Bush" button on my backpack.

Kindly piss off.

(For more political rhetoric, feel free to visit The Ranando Report... BLS approved fun!)

Guilty Pleasures Grab Bag

2006-04-11T08:30:00.001-07:00

Everyone has a guilty pleasure (or six) that they indulge in. While I have a few guilty pleasures, not too many people know about them, for fear that they'll point and laugh and judge me. Throughout the course of this blog, you have learned about one of my guilty pleasures (NASCAR-- more specifically, Dale Earnhardt, Jr.)

Meet another one of my guilty pleasures-- Robot Chicken. For those of you who are unaware, it's a stop-motion animation show created, written, and (sometimes) directed by Seth Green. It's strange, demented humor, and it's freaking hilarious. I love how the show manages to get some pretty big names (of my generation) on the show. When you see who guests on the show, you don't have to look any further than Seth Green's resume to see WHERE he finds the talent. It's networking at its finest. Such names include the cast of Family Guy, the cast of That 70's Show (where Green has a recurring role-- another guilty pleasure,) Sarah Michelle Gellar (he was on Buffy for awhile, remember?), Matthew Lillard, Dax Shepard, Burt Reynolds (all three were in Without a Paddle with Green), Breckin Meyer (who was in Can't Hardly Wait with Green), Rachael Leigh Cook (who was in Josie and the Pussycats with Green)... I could go on and on. It's on Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network. You should check it out.

I've already mentioned NASCAR as a guilty pleasure. If you've been reading the sports headlines in the last two days, I'm sure you've heard about Biffle v. Busch. For those of you that haven't, Kurt Busch (who has made himself the "bad boy" of NASCAR in the last year or so) spun Greg Biffle out on Sunday. Busch was a lap down; Biffle was the race leader. My take on all this? Kurt Busch is a tool. I was watching the race at the time this accident happened. Contrary to Busch's story, Biffle did NOT slow down. Busch WANTED to run him off the track, and he did. Anyway, the two of them exchanged harsh words on Sunday. Now their girlfriends are fighting. You've got to love the crappy drama that ensues...

American Idol is on tonight. I'm a little angry that Mandisa was sent packing last week. She was BY NO MEANS the weakest competitor. I'm still rooting for Chris, the rocker. I used to make fun of Ryan Seacrest, but now that I know he's done some guest spots for Robot Chicken, I'm starting to think that he's not so bad...

The BLS, out!

MANipulative

2006-04-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's been brought to my attention that some people think that I am manipulative. The Free Dictionary defines manipulative as "skillful in influencing or controlling others to your own advantage." While I was initially a little pissed off at this new description, I can see where people may get that idea about me. However, I don't think of it as manipulation. When I think of manipulative people, I think of people who do whatever they can in order to get whatever they want out of a person, although their better judgment and conscience may dictate otherwise. As I tend to think of Kurt whenever I think about manipulative people, I don't feel that I fall in this class.

I tend to use my manipulation powers for good, as opposed to evil. And instead of being manipulative, per se, I choose to be flirtatious. Not flirtatious in that slutty way that suggests that I would sleep with someone in order to get what I want (because there's no way in hell I would), but flirtatious in a way that makes the opposing party feel good, thus giving me what I want. It's a win-win scenario.

Case in point: The first time I had cable television installed in my apartment, the cable guy was smoking HOT. He looked a lot like Jamie McMurray, one of my examples of The NASCAR Conspiracy. There was a mutual attraction. (I should add at this point that I'm not egotistical, especially when it comes to my appearance. When someone tells me I'm attractive, I usually blush and stammer a lame response. And usually, when someone thinks I'm attractive, I'm stupid about it and and can't tell. So for me to know that there was a mutual attraction means that it had to have been so obvious that a two-year old would have caught on. But I digress.) Anyway, I proceeded to have a conversation with the cable guy after he made a comment about my Buffy, the Vampire Slayer and Smallville DVD collection. It turns out that he was a pretty big fan of both shows. We talked about James Marsters making the transition from playing Spike on Buffy and Angel to playing Brainiac on Smallville. We talked about our mutual love of the Spike and Buffy pairing on Buffy and how Spike stole the series finale right out from under Sarah Michelle Gellar's feet. Anyway... we talked for a WHILE, to say the least. After he left, I flipped through my channels to make sure that I had gotten everything I requested. Not only did I get everything that I requested, but I was also given HBO. I didn't request HBO, so I waited for my first bill to see if I would be billed for it. In the eight months I lived in that apartment with the cable television, I NEVER saw a charge for HBO.

I wasn't looking forward to moving, mainly because I had to move all my crap, along with making the calls to switch electrical services and cable services, among other things. I was kinda disappointed because I didn't want to lose the free HBO. I know I'm lame for saying that, but I grew to enjoy HBO's programming in my eight-month free trial. Anyway, I was told to meet the cable guy at my new apartment about three days before I moved in. I showed up... and it was the same cable guy. Being NON-egotistical, I didn't think that he would remember me, given that it had been eight months since I met him the first (and only) time. He still looked like Jamie McMurray... and when he saw me, he said, "Heyy, I know you! You're the die-hard James Marsters fan!" Amazed at his good memory over the span of eight months, I blushed and stammered that I was (because I am) and the cable installation commenced. When he was done, he hung around for a few more minutes and we talked Smallville. I hadn't seen it in a while, so he accidentally dropped a major spoiler in my lap while we were talking about the show, but given that it was more than a month old, I couldn't get mad about it... (it's my fault I'm not keeping up with the show). Anyway, we talked for quite a while again. After he left, I checked my channels out of morbid curiosity.

Yeah, I got free HBO again. If I were to take one thing out of this experience, it would be this: Always always ALWAYS flirt with your cable guy! Now I'm wondering if I should have tried to get his phone number (that wasn't his work phone. He already gave me that...)

Manipulative or flirtatious? You be the judge.

Yowza

2006-04-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

Note to self: Never marry this guy.

Hat tip: Buffalo Wings and Vodka

The BLS v. EPMC

2006-04-03T08:32:00.000-07:00

As previously stated, I spent my Spring Break vacation moving. Although I still can't find my kitchen without tripping over boxes, Casa de BLS is looking a little more organized every day. I was surprised by a couple of things that came up during the move, however. While I found my week "off" of blogging a little refreshing, I was shocked about how badly I wanted to do it. Let's face it: I'm a blogging addict, y'all. Another thing that was a bit surprising: Evil Property Management Company are BASTARDS. (Okay, given the way they decided to not renew my lease, that's NOT surprising at all.)

After moving out of my Old Apartment, I got to cleaning it. I knew that EMPC was going to be a tough sell as far as getting my security deposit back, so I put on a tough face and cleaned my butt off. I think I estimated that I spent at least 12 hours in the apartment cleaning. (I should add right here that I was employed by a professional housekeeper throughout high school and when I clean, I can put Merry Maids to shame.) Before I turned my keys into EMPC, they were supposed to give the apartment an inspection. They came in and performed their inspection, leaving me a note of what I needed to do before I turned my keys in. EMPC stated that I needed to re-clean EVERYTHING. They are listing things that should be construed as "ordinary wear and tear" as "damage." (When I say that, I mean that they are listing chipped shelves and NAIL HOLES in the wall as damage.) Basically, they are money-grubbing thieves that are going after every cent of my deposit.

I'll admit it: The "inspection" notes made me cry. I'm a freaking type-A who gives 100% at everything she does (with the curious exception of law school) and I have an excellent record of getting deposits back from previous renters. I have rented apartments for almost 10 years and have ALWAYS gotten my deposits refunded to me. For them to tell me that I severely damaged the apartment, along with doing a shoddy job of cleaning it, was the equivalent of a slap in the face. For a minute, I wanted to tell them to stick their "inspection" where the sun don't shine, but Kitrah convinced me to go over the apartment a second time, shrewdly pointing out that if I fail to attempt to remedy their problems, I could forfeit ALL of my deposit. She assisted me (as she's as obsessive about cleaning as I am) and we cleaned the apartment a second time (with the amusing addition of bleach. I despise cleaning with bleach, but Kitrah excellently pointed out that the smell of bleach = clean.) I took pictures of the apartment and the alleged "damage" that I caused, and I went back with a camcorder and recorded the condition that I left the apartment in.

When I turned my keys in, I asked them who performed the inspection. EMPC told me it was their "Inspection Manager." In pure Bulldog form (while maintaining politeness), I stated that their inspection listed ordinary wear and tear as damages and that I planned to contest it vigorously. The rental agent tried to give me the run-around, stating that I needed to contest the deductions they take from my deposit in writing. After politely informing her that I was a law student and knew how to contest things in writing, she started singing a different tune. By the time I left EMPC's office, they were all but kissing my legal butt.

I should add that I hate doing this. I hate mentioning that I'm a law student in order for people to treat me properly. But I hate the fact that what EMPC is doing is wrong. They are trying to make money by jacking as much of the security deposit as possible from their tenants, and that's wrong. I'm angry on so many different levels. I'm angry that they are doing this to me, but I'm angered MORE by the fact that they've done it in the past to people who didn't know their rights under my State's Landlord-Tenant Act. I know they've swindled previous residents, and I'm not going to let them do it to me. If I have to, I'll take it to small claims court. From researching my State's Landlord-Tenant laws, I've learned that the burden of proof is on the landlord to prove that I caused the damages. I'm confident that I can show the "damages" they are talking about are ordinary wear and tear, given the fact that I lived in the Old Apartment for 2.5 years.

The keys are in. The photos have been taken. The camcorder has shot the video of the apartment. Is this the end of The BLS v. EMPC?

Stay tuned.

SPRING BREAK, BABY!!

2006-03-31T12:02:00.000-08:00

And how am I spending my Spring Break? I'm not catching up on my schoolwork. I'm not basking in the awesome sun of Cancun or somewhere equally sunny... I'm MOVING. I'm knee-deep in boxes and JUST found my Internet jack. (Well, not really, but you get the point.)

Sorry for the lack of posts. Will return to the blogosphere when I can breathe again and not trip over boxes whenever I try to walk to the kitchen.

The Bulldog

2006-03-24T09:54:00.000-08:00

On our very first day of law school, we were divided into groups and met with different attorneys in order to discuss the legal profession. The attorney that my group met with was VERY candid. He informed us that a lot of people that we would be dealing with were quacks that had unreal expectations. He ended his talk with an example of one such client: Apparently, this client came into the lawyer's office, asked the lawyer draw up the correct paperwork in order to sue someone, and then DEMANDED the lawyer to go after his claim aggressively, telling him, "I want a bulldog! Are you going to be the bulldog! CAN YOU BE THE BULLDOG?"
After hearing this initial story, I vowed to myself that I would NEVER be like this client, nor would I ever be the "bulldog" type of lawyer.

Fast forward a year and a half. I am in the courtroom, doing a mock cross-examination of a doctor. We had 15 minutes to complete the cross-examination. I had prepared approximately 50 questions to ask the doctor during this exercise. My motor mouth kicked in, and I flew through these 50 questions in about 7 1/2 minutes. (For those of you that DON'T follow, this means that I was shooting questions at the "doctor" at a machine-gun pace.) However, during the 7 1/2 minutes of cross-examination, the doctor was putty in my hands and admitted to everything I was implying. In other words, I made the doctor my bitch on the stand.

After the cross-examination was over, I approached the man who played the "doctor" and apologized for the torture that he had been subjected to. (I was only one of six people who grilled him.) He looked at me and grinned, stating, "Man! You were intense! You wouldn't think that you would be from your size (I'm 5'2"), but you were a bulldog! I couldn't get around you. You were such a little bully!"

Okay. So, not only did he call me a bully, but he also called me a bulldog... the very thing that I swore I would not become. The problem with all of this? "Bulldogging" that doctor felt GOOD. And in doing so, I effectively made the jury question the doctor's credibility, which only served to benefit MY case.

Can I be a bulldog? Woof, woof.

(NOTE: In the feedback stage of this assignment, the lawyer who was observing us told me that she didn't think she could have done a cross-examination nearly as effectively as I did in the amount of time I used. She has been a prosecutor for almost 10 years... that was probably the BEST compliment I've gotten in law school thus far.)

Super-Smart Valley Girl

2006-03-23T08:05:00.000-08:00

I-66 posed an interesting question on his blog today. He was talking about the different types of English that he has mastered and then asked what kind of English his readers speak. My comments to his blog entry got me thinking about what kind of English I do speak. My first inclination is to say, "Proper English," but I know that's not the case 100% of the time, especially when I get passionate about something. In those cases, it's like I'm speaking "Proper Drunken Sailor English." Despite my tendencies to have a potty mouth at times, my thoughts then went back to my friend Willow, who once told me, "BLS, you are so funny. When I listen to you talk, it's like I'm listening to a Valley Girl, but a super-smart one!"

Super-Smart Valley Girl. That's my English. I've been thinking about it, and I could be offended by Willow's comment, but I shouldn't be, because she was just telling me the truth about some the phrases that I use a lot. Reflecting on some of the words that I have a tendency to over-use, my vocabulary list includes the following: "like," "you know," "I was all," "and then he was all," "totally," "awesome," "cool," and my own personal favorite, "Oh, my GAWD!"

In my own defense, I would like to think that I don't sound like a total ditz all the time. Yes, I was a cheerleader in high school (very short lived-- quit in favor of the debate team -- e-mail me for more info) and I fully admit to using the aforementioned phrases quite a bit. However, that doesn't mean that I'm speaking like a space cadet ALL THE TIME. If the occasion requires, I can speak in a very dignified and elegant manner (until I trip in my heels and drop a profanity, that is.) I would have to ask the people who spend a good chunk of time with me to answer this question (The Statesman, Kitrah, what do you think?)

If all else fails, though, at least I have a great idea for my Halloween costume... Super-Smart Valley Girl, away!

Now I just need to find a cape.

"...You Can Have a Warm Glass of SHUT THE HELL UP!"

2006-03-22T09:33:00.000-08:00

If I could change one thing about law school right now, it would be to eliminate the drama that comes with the release of the Finals schedule and the next semester's class schedule. I'm serious. I'm about ready to shove someone's head through a wall. It's ridiculous.

The tentative Fall Schedule of classes came out a week or so ago. I didn't hear much racket over it... until someone sent around an e-mail and a petition stating that there weren't enough electives on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. So the law school worked to accommodate those concerns. A different schedule was released. MORE people started complaining about various time conflicts. In two days, I think I've seen three different copies of the tenative Fall schedule of classes, not to mention countless e-mails from various students with "concerns" (but in actuality, they're just throwing a hissy fit because they can't get their perfect class schedules.)

Seriously, guys. Don't these people know that it's IMPOSSIBLE to schedule a class at a time when EVERYONE can take it? There are going to be some people that will be unhappy, no matter what is done to accommodate them. I don't understand why the law school doesn't release a final copy of the schedule and say, "Here it is. Suck it up, you whiners." I know they say that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, but this is ridiculous!

No Dogs Allowed! (or are they?)

2006-03-21T07:28:00.000-08:00

Dogs aren't allowed in my Law School. Apparently, they USED to be allowed... before a Professor's dog made the Law School his own personal backyard (if ya know what I mean.) This has been a bit problematic for me, as I sometimes like to come to the Law School to study at night. Since I don't like to leave The Pug home alone, I usually bring her with me.

The first time I snuck The Pug into the Law School was hilarious. I was trying to be really inconspicuous, and I think EVERYONE saw me sneak The Pug in. Part of this was because I go to a really small law school and everyone knows everything that goes on. The other part of this was because The Pug is very charismatic and social and she wanted to meet everyone that was in the building. I wasn't too worried about the students having a problem with The Pug, as most of the law students that I know have dogs. I was worried about the janitor seeing The Pug and telling me that she wasn't allowed. After my botched attempt to get The Pug in the Law School without anyone seeing her, I managed to get her hidden in my office. All was well until we had to leave. As The Pug and I were rounding the corner on our way out the door, we ran into... The Janitor. He looked at me, and he looked at The Pug, whose tail was wagging. He looked back at me, and did something that I wasn't expecting at all. (No, Lisa, he didn't pull his pants down!) He gave The Pug a dog treat. Needless to say, I was floored.

Fast forward a few months. I haven't been studying at the Law School at night for awhile, as I've set up an office in my bedroom and get a lot of work done out of there. Anyway, I key into my office, and what do I see sitting on my Post-It notes?

A lone dog treat.

Yeah, I got the hint.

The Irish Experience

2006-03-18T18:23:00.000-08:00

My state has some serious Irish roots. From my limited knowledge of my State's history, a big chunk of the state's economy in the 1800's came from the efforts of Irish miners. You're probably WHY I'm giving you a history lesson. Basically, because of these serious Irish roots in my state (especially in a town I'm going to call Irish Capital), St. Patrick's Day is pretty important to a lot of people, and Irish Capital is world-famous for it's crazy St. Patrick's Day shenanigans. I've never been to Irish Capital to experience this craziness before.

That all changed this weekend, when Amanda and I trekked down to Irish Capital to check it out. We were arriving pretty late, as far as Irish Capital standards go. The way it's been told to me, people start drinking the night before St. Patrick's Day and continue to drink all the next day. Considering that little bit of information, Amanda and I arrived almost at the end of the party. That didn't matter. We started drinking at 7:30pm, and I was three sheets to the wind by 10pm. (I'm a serious lightweight, people! I keep telling you that!) I wasn't tipsy enough to black out everything that happened that night, so here's The BLS's St. Patrick's Day Re-Cap:

Drink of Choice: Sour Apple Vodka and Sprite (Lock it up, the green beer didn't agree with me!)
Drinks Drank: Approximately 4
Catch Phrases Coined On the Trip: 3 (two courtesy of Amanda's Lil' Jon impressions: "Yyeaaah!" and "Wwhhaaat?" and one from The BLS, channeling Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers, "I'm gonna get DRUNK.")
Strange Propositions From Strangers on the Streets of Irish Capital: 2. (but you'll have to e-mail me for more information on that... a girl's gotta keep SOME secrets, you know.)
Money Spent on Irish Paraphernalia: $30.00
Hangovers Experienced: 0 (Mainly because I have a long-standing tradition of cutting myself off once walking becomes an issue.)
Amount of Fun During the Irish Experience: PRICELESS.